Crossing off the Bucket Lists

Poor Kyo

2016 is the year of the Red Fire Monkey. I can tell because every where I go, every store I go to, is covered in monkey toys, monkey merchandise, monkey posters...Starbucks, where I'm currently sitting, has some hella cute mugs for sale all covered in the same little red monkey, smiling and looking cute. Before I came to this half of the world, "Lunar New Year" was a thing that existed on chinese food placemats and set up manga that fifteen year old me was absolutely obsessed with. Now it's become one of the only two vacation holidays I get with my job, and is a Really Big Deal.

A Long Time Coming

Every morning I wake up and say, "Today's Sam, you need to write a blog post today."

I always scrunch my eyes up and curse and continue, "you spent last year taking two trips to Japan, you're almost done with your second draft, you've developed a horrendous tea habit and even learned to drink it plain, what gives? You've had a real Christmas and even had a friend come visit you - look at how much you have to write about!"

Every night I go to bed and say, "God damn it. Tomorrow, then. Maybe tomorrow's Sam will be better."

And she never is.

I Feel Like I Fumbled a Prenatal Roll for Confidence

It's been a long time, yeah?

The past year and a half (yeesh) has been this weird, motivating-one-week and demoralizing-the-next week time of my life. I've been trying to get back into just about everything in my life, and yet this one part has been eluding me. I want to try and make a post a week for now, I think, though I feel like I've made that promise to myself ad nauseum for half a year.

Things I am:

• still in Korea
• still writing

I'm Bad at Titles for Important Posts.

I haven't really had the heart to post. I wasn't really sure how to pick everything back up after my last post, you know? "Hey guys, my dog died" felt kind of lame and a strange explanation for my absence. I accidentally stumbled across that silly Rainbow Bridge poem on Saturday and found myself bawling for a half hour while trying to put makeup on, that was an adventure in and of itself.

But I promise you, I am happy.

I guess in several regards, my life is wonderful. I have a stable job, cheap rent, a short commute. I live on my own working one job when most of my friends from home are working three or four to live in a city and have the kind of life I'm having. (I actually uttered "I can't handle partying this weekend" a few hours ago). I'm sharing this whole experience with amazing people and an even more amazing significant other.

When I travel, the world looks like this and I still put my book down in my lap to stare out the window like an idiot because even though I've passed by the same mountains and farmlands and rice paddies and sky a hundred times before it still wows me, it still makes me want to pick up a notebook and write something, anything, because that's what people like us do when we see nice things, I think.

I have been uncertain the past couple weeks, and the uncertainty led to silence, because I didn't want to admit that I felt like I had nowhere to go in my life. When you have a thousand different paths you want to take, you really have none. My contract here is for a year, and it is up in November. I wanted to go to grad school, I wanted to live some type of Bohemian cafe life. I wanted to see the world, I wanted to go to brunch in New Paltz. I want to be home for Christmas, I want to stand on the edge of the dateline for New Years. I wanted to work in editing, I wanted to work in publishing, I wanted to be a writer, I wanted to be a teacher, I wanted to be eighteen again and redoing everything that went wrong because to be this uncertain has to mean I made a mistake, somewhere. I wonder what it was.

 I don't know if I'm making the right decision, and maybe I'm not really making a decision at all. Maybe what I'm doing is the complete opposite of making a decision and it's really just procrastinating the inevitable. Or maybe I'm learning that not everything has to be settled at once. Maybe one day I'll shake the feeling that I have to have an itinerary for every night out, every vacation, every year of my life.

Yesterday I re-signed my contract.

See you guys in 2015.

I'm Never Good with Words When They Count

Mostly it just bugs me that I left and she never even knew I was coming home again.

Busan Sand Festival, Or, The Last Time I Was Remotely Dry Was Next to the Ocean

Hey, everyone! A few days ago my amazingly wonderful friend Danielle posted an interview with me on her booklover's website site, Bibliosmiles! Go check it out, and all the other awesome articles there!

I've been sitting on these pictures for a long, long time now. We went to Busan's Haeundae Beach for a mini-vacation to definitely not drink, and ended up there during the Sand Festival. I didn't even know it was an actual Festival until after we'd already gotten home and I saw it mentioned somewhere else. (Duh?)

You Can Always Tell I'm Procrastinating When...

...I tend to update my blog.

Hey, guys. I fell off the face of the Earth other than Facebook updates for a very long time, and I'm sorry.

It's been a very busy time for me. I've been doing stuff almost every weekend, and when I'm not actually doing things I'm generally too tired to do very much at all.

However, I seem to be on an upswing of activity, so hooray!

Stare Too Deeply into the Abyss...

It got dark for a while, you guys.

Real talk, I had some stuff happen that completely killed my motivation to do just about, like, anything. My days were literally wake up, shower, breed pokemon, go to work, breed pokemon, sleep. I ate, but it was ramen or cereal and nothing else. I think my weight dropped to a point somewhere in March where I actually had a moment of 100% true self-awareness looking in the mirror and went "wow, ick, that's not right. I'm gonna go get Dunkin." Which if any of you know anything about me, is pretty dire.

This is Why Gameboys Were Banned in 1998.

People of the blogosphere, I have made an observation.

Kids have a past time that involves beating a dead horse with another dead horse stuffed with the garlicky flavored corpse of a third, just-as-dead horse.

I am, of course, talking about Frozen.

Yoboseyo, 2014!

"I'm making a blog.
Simplifying my resolution comes down to that. I am here, figuring out this bloggy software, trying to do what I've never done before: finish something... 

...My resolution is not to learn to cook, or to lose weight (all things I spent last year doing, with mild success, and will continue to do this year) but to finish Halfer. I spent 4 years in school learning the skill and discipline I need to make this happen, and I hope by the end of December 2013 I will have something to start shopping to agents. 

This blog is called Writerlust because that is what I have: a desire to write, really, and no direction. Maybe if I put everything I do this year on display for everyone to see, it'll guilt me into trying to actually get something done.

So here goes nothing."

Joke's on me I guess, right guys?

It's almost 2014. It'll actually be 2014 for me before it is for the most of you, isn't that crazy? 

The Life and Times of a Korean Bed Slug

I am turning into the laziest human being possible these days.

I live five feet from my job, have no cash, and a laptop with fast internet.

Settling In

It's been a tough four days of radio silence, but I finally have internet! I'm a little disappointed I broke 2k pageviews while I was gone, but hey, here's to 2000 more!

I passed training, obviously. Otherwise I'd be typing this from New York and probably a lot more drunk than I actually was Friday night. (Beer here seems weaker? At least, I can drink it, which is a good sign it's actually just water.)

So slowly but surely, I'm settling into my new home. 

That some place like this even exists in real life blows my mind. 

I'm actually off to teach my first class in about an hour or so - in something I wasn't even trained in. So needless to say, I'm a little terrified. But I sat in on classes yesterday and at the very least I've managed to convince myself that if I run out of things to say, the kids'll have plenty.

(Sidenote: to the boys yesterday who started slinging Harry Potter spells at each other, props on pulling out 'reducto' and not just settling on 'avada kedavra' like a bunch of plebs. I'm proud of you.)

I have a lot to say! I've been silent for almost four days and I hope I don't wait that long again...until then, I leave you with these words of wisdom: Never ignore the buy 2 get 1 deals on the canned coffee here. You're gonna drink three of them anyway and this crippling regret doesn't look good on anyone.

Here Goes Nothing

Today's the day, you guys.

By this time tomorrow, I'll be in the air on my way to Seoul. It's been a ridiculously fast 7 months...has it really only been seven months?

I'm trying to finish up my last-minute packing, a feat that ended up being a lot more difficult than I anticipated. I feel like I've packed too much and not enough all at the same time.

I don't really have much to say right now, I'm sure I'll be all chock full of interesting things come Saturday. They said I'd be able to buy an adapter for my laptop at the airport, so I hope they're right, that way I can sit right down when I get to the hotel and tell everyone I'm actually alive.

Time to go take a shower and try to fall asleep amid my luggage for a couple hours.

Love you guys, see you on the other side of the world.

Full of Fall

As of today, I am no longer a barista.

It's the home stretch for me. I'm supposed to be in Seoul on November 9th - that's so close! I've been running around in a tizzy trying to figure out how to make everything work out in time.

Fall is my favorite season. Hands down. There's something about the not-too-hot, not-too-cold weather that I love. I love sweaters and boots and scarves and I'm such a sucker for everything seasonal. I could mainline apple cider at this point and be a happy camper. So imagine my anxiety when I realized there are no pumpkins in Korea.

No pumpkins? What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to get through autumn without my continual imbibing of pumpkin spice lattes, devouring of pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin anything I can get my hands on? 

Slowing Down

I woke up this morning at 10AM.

I rolled out of bed and quickly found the envelope of visa photos I had misplaced in the mess of papers on my desk, also uncovering my Starbucks card (which helps because ever since my iTouch was stolen, I haven't bought Starbucks due to not having the app anymore - I know, tragic, right?)

The second I found the photos, I turned around, and crawled back into bed. I was awake for all of five minutes.

1PM.

I woke up again, my mouth still hurting from my wisdom tooth surgery despite it being almost two weeks ago, and my head still stuffed up and fuzzy from sleep. I debated going back to bed. 

I compromised, hauled my laptop up onto my lap, and opened my 3DS to play more Pokemon because it feels like the only thing I want to do anymore.

3:45PM.

I finally slid out of bed. I grabbed a bagel, and now here I am, still wearing the warmest leggings I've ever owned and the Starbucks hoodie I'd gotten last year when I first started my job. For the first time in weeks, I feel like I finally got enough sleep. 

I'll be in Seoul on November 9th.

I don't really know what to think about that. If the alternative is staying here, working at Starbucks, that's not really much of an alternative. And all my reservations are internalized - what if I can't do it? How am I going to keep myself busy for the next year without my computer? How could I ever make friends? I've never taught before. Hell, I might not even get past the training. I might not even ever see Jeonju - the city where I've found out I'm going, which specializes in something called bibimbap which frankly looks delicious and I think I could eat for the next year of my life and not complain.

I taught myself how to read Hangul. Not the language. Literally just the word. Hangul. 한글
It's something, and I think I want to at least learn the entire alphabet soon. Already knowing how the words are structured makes it look less like a bunch of boxes and circles (which is how I had always seen it before) and more like a language. I may not be able to know what the words mean, but maybe if I can at least read them as such, it'd be a lot less scary.

And this whole thing is scary. It's terrifying. But I'm the kind of person who's nver taken a risk in their life about anything. For full disclosure, I didn't even drink until I as 21.

But now, ask anyone who's ever seen me up on a chair or trying to make friends with fat raccoons - it's a risk I'm glad I took. So i'm going into the city tomorrow to go to the Korean consulate and get my visa. And then once that's done, I can buy my plane ticket.

And then, maybe, I'll be brave enough to pull my luggage out of the cardboard it came in.

On Inspiration and Procrastination

I'm the worst kind of writer.

In that, I know I'm a writer. I don't know how to do anything else (except make pretty good frappuccinos). I view my life some big long script, constantly embarrassing myself by mouthing rehearsal conversations with people I'm about to see or imaginary scenarios that will probably never happen. (Think l'espirit de l'escalier but lamer, and mostly in front of my bathroom mirror or in my car.) So I never doubt that this is what I am, not even on the days when I sit staring at a Microsoft Word window wondering where the hell I was going with any of this.

And those days are often.

Paying the Iron Price

I am a clumsy person.

Today:

• Knocked elbows with my coworker literally 15 times.
• Bumped into another about 4. 
• Spilled coffee all over my hand
• Opened the door into someone else.
• Toppled out of the car at Barnes and Noble in front of an old man who thought it was hilarious and made me feel like an idiot. (though to be fair, my laptop bag is heavy enough to send me off kilter.)

This is today. Today has been a bit graceful to me.

Amber Meets the World

This isn't a real post, I just wanted everyone to know how fat adorable my dog is. 

I had just finished a video of giving her a treat, so now she equates my iPod with food.

At least she's not afraid of it anymore.

More soon! I've been so busy with visa paperwork and working I've barely had time for anything, but here's a bit:

"And then there was silence, and I thought it was over. I reached down and picked up a sliver of shattered wine glass, big enough to use as a weapon, and creeped towards the window. I thought I was being careful. I peeked, slowly, out into the street.

It shattered in my face as the stranger burst through the pane, knocking into me and pinning me to the ground. We slid across the wooden floor, splinters tearing at my cloak, and rammed into the bar. Stools toppled down onto us with a clatter.

I stared into the eyes of my attacker, meeting their blood-red, luminous gaze with my own terrified hazel. I struggled to get them off of me, screaming, wishing someone was around to help.

I got my wish.

There was a screeching sound, a loud fluttering. A huge bird swooped inside through the open window, causing both my attacker and me to look up. The bird went straight for his eyes, scratching and clawing, huge wings beating to keep itself in the air. It was a hawk, a huge, tawny hawk. The stranger’s hood fell back, revealing silvery white hair, pointed ears and indigo skin. He beat back at the bird, shouting in a language I didn’t know. But the hawk clawed, blood streaming down the elf’s face.

I scrambled forward, the piece of glass still in my hand, and stabbed. It struck the elf square between the shoulder blades and he finally batted the hawk away, sending it slamming into the wall with a pained squawk, and turned on me. He muttered under his breath, pulling out a long, ugly looking knife from a sheath at his side, and brandished it at me. It curved wickedly, and I scrambled to my feet and away from the bleeding man. The hawk lay in a crumpled heap on the ground.

That was it? That was my help? A bird? I almost laughed at that. I was going to die here, I realized, as I dashed around the bar. I picked up a firepoker and brandished it like a sword, waving it at the advancing elf. I was going to die here and the only thing that tried to save me was a stupid carnivorous chicken.

The doors burst inward, the bar flying off and slamming onto the ground next to the hawk. The elf looked at the door just long enough that I could swing, but he looked back and danced out of the way, grabbing the fire poker from me and tossing it to the ground. I was stuck behind the bar, a dead end, and unarmed.

But a single word changed everything.

'Selshe!'"

Getting Down to Work!

Went to Barnes and Noble today and took home more than I realistically had money to afford.

Currently drinking cinnamon and cocoa coffee out of my new mug - 20oz instead of 12oz! Much more suitable for my oversized, Amazonian lifestyle.

Picked up two books also - the next Seven Realms Novel and Mark Helprin's Winter's Tale, which I just found out is being made into a movie. I've been searching for The Gray Wolf Throne for over two months now, so I'm very excited to finally have it! I'll have to get The Ocean at the End of the Lane after my next paycheck, which is unfortunate due to its awesome sale price right now. But at least I'll have some things to tide me over!

Now, I'm going to take my coffee and settle in for some writing.

Going Forth Unto the Fourth

Happy Fourth of July everyone! Remember, be kind to your baristas tomorrow, because none of us actually want to work and yet got stuck with 8 hour night shifts we have no interest in being present for.

Such is life.

So my actual holiday is really Friday, and then Monday, because I work 3-11 on the actual holiday and Saturday and Sunday. Which is a nightmare. But that's not going to stop me from enjoying myself. I'm starting a bit early, and currently brewing coffee in the kitchen to make some sweet ice coffee before spending the next couple hours trying to work on this rewrite. Yes, rewrite, because I finished the first round of editing and now have this massive list of things to change - real things, writery things that make me believe I can do this because I came up with them myself - and absolutely no idea how to start. I feel like the first animal to grow thumbs, looking at them and going "now what?"

I have a 15% off coupon for Barnes and Noble also, AND there's a summer sale going on, AND of course I'm a member - so I'll likely be stopping by there either tomorrow or Friday after my interview to pick up at least Neil Gaiman's new book, The Ocean at the End of the Lane, which I'm super excited to read! I hear amazing things about it, and I'm so happy that this year has been filled with amazing books for me, with Graceling and The Handmaid's Tale topping the list so far. But it's only July and the list of books I've been meaning to get (still waiting for ANY kind of a price drop on Bringing Up the Bodies) keeps on growing.

This humidity is getting to me, the cafe I write in doesn't have air conditioning. Which normally isn't an issue, except the loft area was closed today so I ended up sitting down on the first floor in the sun and dying of heat. I wish it would just either rain all the time or be not so humid. One or the other.

The woefully wilting writer.

Other things I'm excited for - I've recently discovered a whole host of DIY blogs and with the pile of old oversized tshirts I have, I'm totally going to stop at Michael's when I go to Barnes and Noble and pick up some stuff to rework them. Hopefully I can get some nice stuff out of it, though I've always been nervous about cutting up my clothes.

Also, sometimes next week I'm getting a new blog theme! Stay tuned!

I hope you guys all have yummy barbecue things and read good books and sleep a lot this holiday. You deserve it.